Web Vomit

2006-01-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

Search Results:
Did you mean http://jasper.webvomit.com ?

I've moved. Eff Blogger.

2005-12-28T11:06:00.000-05:00

Some things you should know about while I'm on vacation:

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club has a website-only download for you, "Whenever You're Ready."

Pas/Cal has a MySpace only download for you, "Bootyfull XXXmas." This was the x-rated rap they performed at the Sounds and Spirits show.

Velvet Audio is performing at Fifth Avenue Downtown this Thursday, opening for Lola Valley. This was the band that blew us away at the Lager House last month. I'm so positive you're going to love this band, I'll refund your $3 cover if you show up and aren't impressed.

What are you doing for New Year's Eve? Johnny Headband at the Blind Pig? Ghost City at the Belmont? Clone Defects reunion at the Painted Lady? Detroit Cobras at The Magic Stick? Thunderbirds Are Now at the Lager House? Motley Crue at the Palace? Where the party at?

2005-12-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

It looks like Pitchfork has finally blown its cover as the music companion site run by The Onion that it is. They've always walked that fine line between pretending to be music snobs and delivering cleverly disguised satire of music snobbery (yes, they're making fun of you for listening to Art Brut). If you haven't picked up on this already, a brief look at their Top 50 lists of 2005 should make it clear.

Their Top 50 albums of 2005 include a minimal number of popular indie records--just enough to make their list almost believable--The Hold Steady, New Pornographers, Spoon, Bloc Party, Wolf Parade, CYHSY. Those albums are on there to make the unsuspecting reader think, "I like these albums, maybe I should listen to Antony & The Johnsons or Cam'ron." You shouldn't. Pitchfork has done this for the last seven years, always getting ballsier and ballsier with the elaborate practical joke that is their website. They've always snuck in obscure albums only they can dig up (and later take credit for the success of), and the notion that Sufjan Stevens makes good music has been their most successful campaign of satire-accepted-as-truth--so they probably could have gotten away with Illinois at #1, and slipping in Dominik Eulberg or Keith Fullerton Whitman--but to do that on top of this year's hysterical Top 10 list seems like a cry for help.

And what about the Top 50 Singles? Look at that Top 10--after a year of encouraging indie-rock kids to "discover" the next buzz band, Pitchfork makes 7 out of its 10 top singles rap, reggae or r&b--and then throws in a Kelly Clarkson song to make the list even more absurd. The cherry on top of the poop brownie is an Antony & The Johnsons track that may just be pretentious enough to make the list swallowable to anyone who's not in the know.

The joke could go on forever, but everyone involved wants to be done with it--this was their greatest effort to "out" themselves and it will probably go unnoticed. It is for this reason that Pitchfork is awarded the 2005 Jaspy for Web Site Of The Year. Congratulations, Pitchfork Dot Com. Here's hoping someone will put you out of your misery soon.

2005-12-19T11:22:00.000-05:00

This is a couple days late because I've been informed, "We're not paying you to dick around on the internet all day," so I had to do some work.

How much better could Saturday night's Lager House show have been? The answer is none, none more better. The perfect contrasting/ complimenting bill of Pas/Cal and Johnny Headband drew a capacity crowd. Those who were there saw the Headband brothers trade in their iMac for three real live musicians (this included members of Outrageous Cherry and Great Lakes Myth Society) to kick off phase 1.5 in the Headband World Order. The familiar songs were given new life by the five-piece, and they threw in some Christmas songs to boot. I'm pretty sure Johnny Headband holds the world record for Encore Requests For An Opening Act, as they once again won over the audience and left them chanting for more. For some reason neither I, nor any of my Vomiteers, ever remember to bring a camera--so you'll have to trust me when I say that during the performance, Keith progressed from dressed-like-a-Christmas-tree (complete with skirt and pointy evergreen hat with ornaments) to shirtless-and-covered-in-blood. While I was positive this was an interpretive dance rendition of The Passion Of The Christ, no one else seemed to think so.

When Pas/Cal asked Johnny Headband to play with them at this year's holiday show, some thought it was an odd choice. Listen to either band's recordings, and you might wonder what they have in common--but see them live and you learn that the songs are only half the attraction of their show. Pas/Cal is made up of true entertainers. Fronted by soon-to-be international sex symbol, Casimer Pascal, the seven musicians put on another amazing performance. Their cover of Wham's "Last Christmas" has become legendary, and this year they added a couple James Brown holiday songs to their set list, along with a new original song that will be available to download from their website today (I think). Caz's ability to make the audience feel like they're part of the show is part of what keeps their fans so loyal. I'll bet you dollars to dumplings that even if you don't dig Pas/Cal's recordings, witnessing a live performance would make you a "dollar store" chanting fan.

I'm hoping this won't be the last time these bands play together, since I'm finding it hard to think of a show I had more fun at all year.

2005-12-15T11:42:00.000-05:00

Good: The Black Eyed Peas/ Arcade Fire mashup "Hump My Tunnel"
Still Better: The Strokes/ Christina Aguilera mashup "A Stroke of Genie-us"

"Why couldn't I have stayed cute?"

Influences: WDIV, ClickOnDetroit.com

2005-12-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

Remember this post? You know that supergroup I mention below the sexxxy Pas/Cal poster? Tait Nucleus, Stephen Palmer, and two musicians I've yet to learn the secret identities of have launched a MySpace page for their band, Ghost City. Four tracks to listen to. Four tracks to love.

Attitude

2005-12-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else as sick of the internet as I am? Is there any site worth going to, anything worth reading, clicking, buying anymore? What did I do before the internet, and why can't I remember what it was? There's got to be something new to distract and sedate me. Somewhere. The internet has stopped working ~~for~~ on me. Maybe it's a side-effect of the Holiday Stress combined with my Moving/ Adjusting Stress . . . but I don't know. The future of this site might be iffy.

Pas/Cal makes the cover of Real Detroit Weekly. I'm sure my afterparty doesn't get mentioned, but whatever...

While you're on Real Detroit's site, check out last month's Dirtbombs article (that somehow slipped past me) where "artsy-weirdo Garage Father," Mick Collins discusses everyone-and-their-crappy-band's MySpace profile. “Shitty acts are gonna get weeded out pretty quickly, so your show’s got to be the greatest thing rolling.” Amen, Father M.

Two new Detroit-rock profiles just went up that would make Mick happy. You may have heard their MySpace samples, but you haven't heard anything until you've seen them live:
The Go - includes some new tracks and an update on the forthcoming album.
Velvet Audio - also with audio tracks. Looks like their upcoming show with The Fags might have gotten postponed, but they've secretly been invited to play with The Paybacks. Secret date and secret venue to be secretly announced shortly.

2005-12-07T09:31:00.000-05:00

Listen to the new ~~Libertines~~ Dirty Pretty Things song, Bang Bang You're Dead. I can't even tell that other guy is missing.

2005-12-06T14:08:00.000-05:00

Here are your invites to next Saturday's festivities (click both to enlarge). In preparation, head over to Pas/Cal's site to pick up their version of "Last Christmas" and Johnny Headband's site to listen to their version of "Christmas At The Zoo" (and find out how you could appear in their new video).

2005-12-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

While I could fill an entire blahg describing all the shit that went wrong leading up to and during my move this past week, I won't. I'm not even going to discuss the things that are still all effed up. I'm just going to say that if you see me on the news for stabbing someone in the throat, please believe me when I say they had it coming. Oh yeah, updates may be lacking this week.

On Friday, Tiny Mix Tapes did an excellent job of putting the Sony rootkit scam into plain English. If you're a music consumer/downloader you already know that when the industry tries to stop file sharing, they only further it with their ineptitude and greed. Take two minutes and read the article, the mainstream press is still afraid to anger big business so it might be a while before all the details make it to whatever shitty news program you watch.

UPDATE: Here's a great story about Sony paying grafitti artists to spray-paint buildings with thier products, and then being told to fuck off. Make sure you take the time to appreciate the rhyme in the first picture.

And speaking of file sharing, The Strokes "leaked" their own album last Friday--a whole week before they were scheduled to "leak it." While I can't tell you where I get my information from, I can tell you that you're supposed to download the album and post about how much you hate or love it on every blog / messageboard / myspace profile / telephone pole / bathroom stall. Looks like a successful marketing campaign so far.

2005-12-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

This year, I only asked Santa for two things:
1. Johnny Headband playing Pas/Cal's Lager House Holiday Show.
2. Safe passage during the drunken stumble back to my apartment that night.

You're 1 for 2 so far Santa, please don't let me get shivved.

iHate You

2005-11-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

Being such a miserable bastard towards everything with a lowercase "i" in front of it, ensures people send me things like this when they find them. Keep them coming.

2005-11-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

Great news Detroiters--you've got three chances to catch Black Rebel Motorcycle Club on their 2006 winter tour:
February 9 Bogarts - Cincinnati, OH
February 10 Newport - Columbus, OH
February 13 Odeon - Cleveland, OH

BRMC adds themselves to the long list of bands who've skipped the Motor City in the last year to do extra shows in Ohio. While Detroit has always had the worst "modern rock" radio station in the (not our) country, Metro-Detroiters' good taste and do-it-yourself-ed-ness (?) always led them to the quality music the rest of the country was listening to. So what's changed in the D to make these bands feel unwelcome? Easy answer--nobody's going to shows anymore.

But why? Is it the fact that Michigan currently has the worst economy in the country? I know I have my fair share of debt, but I've got to be honest, that never stopped me before--it's how I earned my debt in the first place. In a city that wears its debt like a badge of honor, I don't think its citizens are all too concerned with a $15 ticket.

Is it an age thing? The "older" crowd is still buying tickets when U2, The Rolling Stones and Depeche Mode come to town. The "younger" crowd makes bands like Him, My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy pack venues. So what's the deal with the twenty-something crowd? Do new jobs and marriages have us too busy for entertainment? Have we already allowed ourselves to become that boring at such an early age?

I'm using BRMC as an example, but there's dozens of bands that fit their profile--a band that's been stopping in Detroit since 2001 and work their way up to two crowded shows at the Majestic Theatre in 2004. 2005 rolls around, they get half the audience they're used to, then decide to substitute Detroit with a Cleveland/Cincinnati combo on the next tour. You can't say the fans have never been here--they've just stopped coming out.

Where you at, Detroit?

2005-11-28T14:13:00.000-05:00

It was a busy, drunken, busy, drunken weekend. Yoda Liver is glad it's over, but still dreads the holidays to come. I'm sure there were other news items this past week besides the Cobra Kai finally getting the better of Pat Morita, but that's all the news that made it my way. The internet and I decided to see other people over the weekend, and I think we're both better people for it.

Wednesday
Thanksgiving Eve. The biggest bar night of the year, besides the half-dozen other ones. If I recall correctly, we started the evening at my favorite "who comes here for free DSL?" bar--The Anchor Bar & Grill. We each ordered one of the four things on their menu, knocked back a couple drinks and headed to the Lager House for the main event--Johnny Headband. The duo closed out "faze one" of their career with the audience demanding an encore, chanting for a performance of "Pink Cloud." After a few moments of "remembering how this one starts," JH finished the song, and threw in a "Heaven & Hell" to boot.
We left half our entourage there, and the rest of us raced over to The Magic Stick. We got there just in time to see The Muldoons' equipment being dismantled, and watch the young boys try to make sense of the line of people--made mostly of intoxicated fans slurring their words--who wanted 7"s and autographs. If I wasn't so busy laughing at the situation, I would have felt bad for the poor kids' deer-in-the-headlights, overwhelmed state.
It wasn't long before The Dirtbombs came out and did what The Dirtbombs do--tear through (what fells like) hundreds of songs at a breakneck pace, induce crowd surfing, and pull all the girls(?) in the front row up for a dance party. I'm not attempting to remember the set list, so let's just say they played everything ever recorded by anyone.

Thursday
There's a number of reasons I hate Thanksgiving. First of all, what the hell is it supposed to mean again? The beginning of the shopping season? Something about football? Furniture and mattresses at wholesale prices? Seriously, what the fuck are we celebrating on Thanksgiving? If you give me an explanation containing the words "pilgrims" or ~~"indians"~~ "native americans," you're automatically wrong.
Second, getting up early with a hangover to deal with your relatives' bullshit is not a holiday. Getting up early with a hangover to deal with your girlfriend's relatives' bullshit borders on extreme torture.
Oh yeah, I'm allergic to turkey. I'm not making that up--I can't eat poultry. Happy Thanksgiving to me.

Friday
Don't ask.

Saturday
After dinner at Honest John's and a stop at The Bronx, it was back to the Lager House for part two of The Hard Lesson's double-header. The press and hype machine in Detroit has been stuck on the same bands for as long as I can remember--The White Stripes, Dirtbombs, Detroit Cobras, Paybacks, Brendan Benson, etc. You know how you read about New York's greatest new band every week, only to be forgotten about next week when the next greatest new band comes along? Detroit is the opposite of that. The press covers the greatest new bands of 2001 over and over and over. The Hard Lessons, Lee Marvin Computer Arm and Velvet Audio billing combination should have been promoted as the best Detroit Rock Show you could have seen all year.
The Hard Lessons have risen to the top of the list of Detroit bands--they don't stop touring, and can't stop improving. Just when you think you've seen the best Hard Lessons show ever, they outdo themselves the very next show. Indie, garage, soul--whatever kind of rock you want to call it, they're playing it louder and harder than whoever's in your cd player now. Sound samples here, tour dates here, buy the album here.
Lee Marvin Computer Arm: gravely vocals, cowbell, rock-n-roll trumpeteer. What's not to like? There are always some audience members who don't know what to make of LMCA's initial aural assualt, but by the third or fourth song they're either back in their car listening to a Hootie & The Blowfish album or slam-dancing along with the rest of us. Download mp3s here, buy the EP here.
Can someone please tell me where the hell Velvet Audio came from? They've been playing Detroit gigs for almost a year? How could I have not heard of these guys? Where's the buzz on this band? The six member group (two guitarists, bass player, drummer, saxophonist, lead singer/tambourinist/spazz dancer) completely blew the crowd away--a crowd that included very impressed "music scene reps" from North Carolina and Seattle. The word is that Jim Diamond is currently working on their forthcoming album, and judging by Diamond's list of accomplishments, you're going to be hearing a lot more of this band. If I remember correctly, they'll be playing with The Fags December 14 or 16 at Small's. They don't have a website, but a five-song EP will be available at that next show. You need to see Velvet Audio.

Happy Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

I've gotten a handful of e-mails asking what I'm most thankful for this Thanksgiving, and while most people spit out the usual answers--family, friends, health, Xbox 360--I decided I was going put some actual thought into answering your questions. After a couple days' reflection on myself and the current state of the world, I think this year I'm most thankful for *N Sync's cover of ~~Kriss Kross'~~ Christopher Cross' "Sailing."
The fact that it's a 1998 cover of a 1981 song just proves how timeless and relevant this masterpiece is. While popular opinion suggests Cross used "sailing" as a metaphor for suicide, I like to believe he really was searching for paradise, tranquility and serenity--but it wasn't until *N Sync covered the song did I feel this way.
"Sailing" being performed by five young men showed me how music can bring people of different backgrounds and cultures together. If that song can make two Aryans, a greasy Dago, a dreadlocked Jamaican and that guy who looks like Screech from Saved By The Bell put their differences behind them and join together--imagine what it could do for world peace.
This Thanksgiving weekend, when your family is gathered around the table discussing what to be thankful for, play *N Sync's "Sailing" and tell them you're thankful for the power of music. If everyone who reads this message passes it on to one or two other people, who do the same--global conflict and suffering will be a thing of the past.
"Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free..."

2005-11-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

The first blow-off week of the holiday season is here and, while I'd like to say my posting schedule won't suffer--it will. The way I approach these half-weeks at work is to float around--roam the hallways, take dozens of "bathroom breaks" and long lunches--always have a stack of papers under one arm, and try my best to look overworked. The goal is to get through three days without actually talking to any co-workers, especially management, in an attempt to avoid all work. It's a delicate art I've become master of, and it takes such skill that I should be paid more to do that, than to do my actual job.
Since I plan on limiting my time in front of the computer, I don't know how much super important secret information I'll be able to get to you in the coming days. And since I haven't done squat in the last month, besides a Hold Steady and a Hentchmen show, I don't have any cool reviews or reports for you. (And by "cool," I mean "boringly written with a third grade vocabulary.")
Some of my lack of activity is due to laziness and cheapness--and I've got a move coming up, so there's that pain in the ass on the horizon. (If anyone wants to help carry furniture up eleven flights of stairs in Downtown Detroit next weekend, please let me know. I can pay you with a box of mac & cheese or something.) The main reason I've disappeared from bars and venues lately is I've been saving myself for this:

The biggest bar night of the year (according to some dude I used to work with, named Carl.), combined with the last Phase 1 Johnny Headband show ever--this is what I've been saving my dollars and dance moves for. The Headbanders have a new message up, (check out the videos while you're there) shedding more light on their mysterious "phase" plan for multi-media world domination. "Phase 2 involves an album, a movie, new videos, new antics, new stage show, new people, etc..." In the past year, I've witnessed the Headband audience double, triple, and septuplet in size just on word-of-mouth buzz alone. I can't imagine what kind of attention they get once an album, and everything else they have planned, makes it to the public.
If you're in the Detroit area and have nothing planned this Thanxxxgiving Eve, get to the Lager House--so one day you can say, "Johnny Headband? Dude, I saw those guys in, like, phase 1"-- most likely followed by "I don't remeber a thing from that night."

2005-11-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

Some time ago I made fun of Bon Jovi, and questioned how they could sell-out two shows at the Palace. I got some comments from Jov-ites claiming how great a show they put on, and I actually know a girl who knows nothing about "current music" except for Bon Jovi. I realized Web Vomit was missing out on this important demographic of females trapped in the 80s, and my attempt to gain readership of women with feathered bangs is to post the following review. This was written, with great sacrifice, by cele-blogg-ebrity (it'll catch on) Mateo Grande of Motor City Rocks fame. (in some cases, I've taken the liberty to shorten "Bon Jovi" to "BJ" because it makes me laugh.)

Bon Jovi
Friday, November 18
The Palace of Auburn Hills.

Walking from the parking lot to the show was exactly what I wanted and what I expected. There were empty beer cans on the backs of Ford pick-ups, Monte Carlo's painted like NASCAR pace cars and vomit everywhere.
As we found our way in, I noticed the show attracted quite a diverse crowd--and when I say diverse I mean fat women, short women, fatter women, trashy chicks, middle aged women and a couple hotties. By "diversity" I also meant there are different ages of white people from different suburban cities. I overheard someone talking about how the population of Roseville is cut in half whenever Bon Jovi is in town, but maybe that's just a rumor. One thing for sure, BJ concerts sure bring out the women.
As we finally climbed our way up to our seats, the lights went down and on came Cypress Hill's "Rock Superstar." Yes, that was the walk-on music for Bon Jovi. The band starting playing some song no one knew, but the crowd didn't seem to care. They were just excited because Jon was wearing what looked to be leather pants and a leather jacket that was un-zipped almost all the way down and of course he had no shirt on underneath. Richie Sambora looked similarly ridiculous as well. In order to pack an even heavier punch on their songs, BJ employs three touring musicians which nearly outnumber actual band members. The second song was "You Give Love and Bad Name," which provided the first of many crowd sing-a-longs of the night. As I was sitting in my seat, I looked around my section and it looked like I was at a taping of the Oprah show. It was also the kind of crowd where the women get all dressed up, like they have a chance at banging the whole band.
The concert had all the moments you'd expect a BJ show to have. An elaborate stage that had one of the best video screens I'd ever seen, giant sing along choruses and the ever so hot gyrating of Jon Bon Jovi's hips--which was a crowd pleaser every time.
The show proved to have numerous "bathroom moments" with all the new songs, which was fine because it gave everyone a chance to get even more beer. They did, however, play the hits--and some highlights were Sambora playing a double necked guitar during two songs, and Bon Jovi himself playing on a small platform in the first level for "Blaze of Glory." Also, there is nothing like seeing Richie Sambora play a talk box in person.
During most of the show, on both sides of the stage the band let groups of people rock from up close. They switch groups every couple songs because after about 3 songs, people would die from the sheer energy the band gives off. Apparently the janitorial staff had to mop up this area after every group because it got really slick from girls getting so wet from being that close to Bon Jovi.
As many times as I wondered to myself "what am I doing here?" it was actually somewhat fun at points. As cheesy as the band is they do put on a fairly entertaining show and screaming lyrics along with 20,000 other people proved to be amusing.

LAST MAN STANDING // YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME // COMPLICATED // BORN TO BE MY BABY // STORY OF MY LIFE // I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD // RUNAWAY // THE RADIO SAVED MY LIFE TONIGHT // IT'S MY LIFE // NOVOCAINE // HAVE A NICE DAY // WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T GO HOME // ALWAYS (acoustic)I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU (acoustic) // BLAZE OF GLORY (acoustic) // CAPTAIN CRASH & THE BEAUTY QUEEN FROM MARS // BAD MEDICINE (with GLORIA snippet) // RAISE YOUR HANDS // LIVIN' ON A PRAYER // I GET A RUSH // JUST OLDER // SOMEDAY I'LL BE SATURDAY NIGHT // UNDIVIDED // WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE

2005-11-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

Here's the new Black Rebel Motorcycle Club video, "Weight of the World," to keep you occupied while I'm occupied.

2005-11-20T00:34:00.000-05:00

With a just over a month to go, I've found somthing to rival Animal Collective's "Grass" for Track Of The Year: "I'll Believe In Anything," by Wolf Parade.

Which song gets your vote?

Clap Your David Byrne Sing Karaoke

2005-11-18T09:38:00.000-05:00

Here's the official explaination (complete with typos):

"For years, a friend said he had this bizarre little tape at the end of an unrelated cassette, I said yea sure. After 2-3 years he finally found it. The story was that a friend of his had gone out and taped another show then went to this club later that had an open mike night or something. All of a sudden, there's David Byrne and this weird contraption that plays backing tracks. He pulls out the deck and mikes and proceeds to get both songs Dave sings (he of course was too late to get Byrne going on stage) at the end of the tape he had used earlier. Don't know if there was more, but my friend said there wasn't.
So this is at worst a third gen cassette. Where else do you hear Dave do Sixteen Tons & Whole Lotta Love. You may not put it in rotation on the iPod, but I promise you'll have a few giggles."

David Byrne w/ karaoke machine
The Tunnel NYC 3/4/87
1. Intro
2. 16 Tons (Tennessee Ernie Ford)
3. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)

Thanks to lilpanda and m.bernz.

2005-11-17T15:52:00.000-05:00

Remember when The Darkness was retarded/funny, and not just plain retarded? Their retarded new video for their retarded new single. Watch it, you retards.

2005-11-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

I was just e-mailed the new Flaming Lips video, thankyouverymuch. I'm kinda busy and kinda not busy so depending on how much not busy I am, I might get around to not not posting something new.

2005-11-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

A little over a year ago, I went through a really bad breakup. It was one of those situations where the other party just leaves--no explanation, no forwarding address, no nothing. For the first six months I was checking my e-mail over and over again, trying to track down any trace of information on the net, and asking people if they'd heard anything."I just got to got to know," I'd say. But they knew nothing.
My friends were worried about me. They told me to get myself together, but that only made it worse. I'd spend all day looking at old photos, listening to our music, remembering the fun times we had together--dates at the Magic Stick and ~~Pine Knob~~ DTE.
I slowly came to the realization that we'd probably never run into each other again. I still did a web search every few weeks, but never found anything substantial. I was devastated, but was trying to move on. Friends told me love was all my crippled soul would ever need. They helped me open up my heart to find someone new, but it wasn't the same--it wasn't as good as what I used to have.
It's now been 14 months since I was deserted, and guess who came walking back into my life this afternoon? That's right, my (sister) savior has come back to me, hopefully for good.

Now how do I get out of my current, rebound relationship?

UPDATE: It's only fitting that after I made this post (that left some of you wondering what the hell I was talking about) The Rapture's website went down, leaving most of you even more confused. So if you don't get it, please ignore my ramblings.

2005-11-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

Pas/Cal's set list for their upcoming show at the Stick this Sunday has been posted on their site. It begins with the "leaked" track Dear Sir (click the setlist) and includes six tracks from their forever-forthcoming album, Salvation Army Wardrobe (click the little boats at the bottom of the site to hear demos).

To those of you who questioned why I would go to three White Stripes concerts in one week, did I ever tell you I saw Muse seven times in one year? Looks like they're putting together a DVD of that tour and, while I'm sure it will be Euro-heavy in footage, I'm hoping a good chunk of video from the States makes it on. As a side note, if any of you have the Butterflies & Hurricanes DVD, you can spot me three times during The Groove--sans bag.

It's old news, but FOX has cancelled Arrested Development. I'm not spending much time on this because I'm sick of caring and never expected FOX to properly promote a show that wasn't either animated or aimed at a 90210-type audience. If you never saw the show when it aired, you should rent or borrow the DVDs and make yourself a copy (don't give FOX any money). Here's a short clip from the second season's blooper reel: David Cross ranting about FOX's marketing.

That's all for now. Blogger's acting funny...

2005-11-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

Because I've been boring lately, and because Jack White hates the internet:
"Shelter of Your Arms."
(b-side to one of the 33 versions of The Denial Twist.)

I grew up in detroit which is french for the strait
And the city's motto is we hope to rise from the ashes
Hope is a powerful, strong word.
The detroit is not actually a river,
Its a strait.
But no one seems to care.
The french aren't there anymore.
They missed out on the self called hip hop mayor.
His dreams are beautiful and humble,
His vision of a new detroit is untainted
By corruption, or use of the towns credit card
Or big macs. A visionary who knows the value
Of tax payers dollars,
And uses the city's money
Only for the right reasons
Like reconstructive surgery for strippers,
And cadillac escalades for.....well, hey
Who needs a reason for an escalade right?
The white stripes congratulate the reelected mayor
On another term of hip hope
--III Quid
(an excerpt of the new message on whitestripes.com)

2005-11-14T10:20:00.000-05:00

Worst leaked-on-purpose Stroke media so far: the Juicy Juice video. You see, they added that timecode window on a few of the cameras to make it seem like you're watching some top-secret advance version. You're not.
UPDATE: What's Johnny Knoxville doing in the homepage group photo?

Instead, why don't you check out a video from a band that doesn't have every blogger in the world working for them-- The Futureheads' Area. It's good. Watch it twice.

I make a joke and someone else makes millions. You can finally take your iPod and go fuck yourself.

2005-11-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, someone tell me what to do with the fifth(?) puzzle--the one with the red, yellow and blue color things and the block: Kill Your Day.

UPDATE: Nevermind.

2005-11-10T20:21:00.000-05:00

I've known this kid for twenty-four years--we'll call him "D." We grew up on the same block, our parents were old friends, took family vacations together, went to the same school, etcetera , etcetera. Through the years, we drove everyone nuts--our parents, relatives, teachers, neighbors--even complete strangers (our favorite). I won't give you a too detailed (or boring) trip down memory lane, so let's just say we got into more than our fair share of trouble.

Currently, "D" is taking classes at Eastern Michigan University. He has this miracle he performs where, when given the assignment to make a class presentation, he makes some ridiculous video that should get him kicked out of school--but instead gets a passing grade. I swear to you his first one consisted of him playing video games, drinking beer, following his father to work and then reading a few definitions straight out of the text book. He got a B-.

His latest project, that I took the liberty of stealing off his hard drive and publishing, was for a high-level physics class. The assignment was to demonstrate some physics-y thing (I don't know anything about physics) in a 30-minute experiment, demonstration or lecture. Given that this was a high-level course, there were a lot of serious students--most of them put a lot of time and effort into their midterm assignment, bringing in materials, building things or scheduling lab time. "D" requested a TV and VCR, and presented the following horrendous nonsense:
Physco The Clown (I'd like to point out that both the clown and the mailman are played by "D.")

He hasn't received his grade yet, but I'll keep you posted. His success with these videos tells me that teachers are so bored with seeing the same projects year after year--they give him credit for being different. Either that or they're afraid of him. Oh yeah--the reaction in class ranged from uncontrollable laughter to hatred and disgust from the students who worked all month on their project.

2005-11-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

At first I thought this was Jon Lovitz. But Jon Lovitz isn't this funny.
"Always Serjy Mer To Remind Me."

2005-11-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

A blues/rock band from Akron, Ohio and a soul legend from Detroit touring together? They'll probably play a couple shows in Detroit, one in Akron, a Cleveland gig . . . nevermind, The Black Keys and Nathaniel Mayer tour the East Coast. And Chicago. Why do I still live in this state? Related: Best music DVD of the year.

I love made-up news, and no one delivers it better than NME. I wouldn't go buying any big ticket items yet, Justin--you could end up being the only one who purchases a copy of that album.

Napster signed a business deal with Clear Channel? Remember when Napster was synonymous with anarchy? Around 1999? My fondest memory of Napster was a reporter from WDIV knocking on my door at 10pm one night, wanting an interview from me--even though I had walking pneumonia at the time. Apparently I was known as "taht kid who gets everything illegally off the internet," and everyone I knew had no problem telling reporters where I lived. So there I was--weak, sweaty, with a 100 plus-degree fever and a hot camera light blasting me in the face, trying to explain to the "investigative reporter" what an important step in music and technology Napster was. Every point I made was completely lost on her, since she couldn't get past the idea that Napster wasn't sold in a box at the computer store. By the end of the interview, I had sweat through my clothes and my brain had started cooking from the combination of my fever and answering questions like, "Where do people get together to do Napster?" and "What happens when your computer fills up and you can't get any more music?" I wish that frustrated, disgusting feeling on everyone at Napster and Clear Channel for the rest of their lives.

Remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion? The creator gets $80,000 to write the Pastafarian Bible. How come when I tried to start a new religion in tenth grade, I got escorted home by the police and had to transfer schools?

A picture of the Spider-Man 3 villain, Sandman (retarded mechanic from Wings), has surfaced. Compare his two forearms in the photo. I don't know how he has time to commit crime, with all that masturbating.

2005-11-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

I'm calling for a moment of silence to observe the death of a city.

Read detroitblog.

2005-11-08T13:08:00.000-05:00

I've been busy. Not with work, but with my insane OCD-driven music collection. I finally got around to getting an MP3 player, which means I have to sort through my two hard drives and dozens of boxes full of music. It's not fun. Since I'm not on any medication to keep my disorder in check, I've got to finish one artist before I move on to another--all b-sides, vinyl releases, internet-only tracks, etc.--or else I have a meltdown.

I've got "A" through "G" loaded, which (at 192kbps) turns out to be 20 gigs of music--and I am being picky about what I'm loading. So yeah, I've got less then half the space on my Zen left for letters "H" through "Z." To avoid a total mental collapse, I've taken a break from importing and am concentrating on converting some of my vinyl to digital. Here are some Deetroit treats I picked out for you:

The Muldoons - "Red and Black" (8-year old vocalist, 11 year-old guitarist) Buy the four-track 7" at Cass Records, then watch them perform with The Dirtbombs Thanksgiving Eve at The Magic Stick.

The Go - "Hesitation" (vinyl-only track from Whatcha Doin', with Three Quid on lead guitar and backing vocals) Find it on ebay. If you're lucky.

The Sights - "Everything" (one of two vinyl-only tracks off their self-titled release) Still one of the best albums this year, get the vinyl from Cass Records. Honestly, you should just order one of everything from Cass.

Quality Disclaimer: Getting these tracks from vinyl to mp3 took four steps. I am not a professional (anything). If you're going to complain about hearing dust pops and crackles, don't download them.
Covering My Ass Disclaimer: These samples are up for promotional purposes only. If you represent any of these artists and feel they should be removed, let me know and they will be.

2005-11-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

Check out the new Michel Gondry whitey White Stripes video for The Denial Twist. I'm not sure watching it in a little window does it much justice, but it's crazysexycool just the same.

And if you're not digging on that version of the song, Web Vomit's favorite lunatic, Three Quid, will be releasing ten live versions of The Denial Twist from their current UK run, as internet downloads. If any of my UK readers are grabbing extra artwork sleeves from the shows, can you hook a blogga up?

2005-11-02T13:41:00.000-05:00

A third and fourth Hold Steady non-album track to make up for my non-review:
Modesto Is Not That Sweet
You Gotta Dance (with who you came to the dance with)

A long time ago I was a comic book geek. In fact, yesterday when I learned the name of the Hold Steady's drummer was Bobby Drake . . . let's just say part of me is still a comic nerd. Stephen King is adapting his Dark Tower series into a Marvel comic. I'm so buying this and keeping it out of view from my girlfriend and all my other friends who are way cooler than me.

OMG pitchfork is so one week behnind the rest of teh intreweb. i meen u culd've downloded taht track form my site last friday. OMG LOL ROFLMAO!!!!11

I just received an e-mail informing me that the symbol on the new Lindsay Lohan album cover is Chinese for "will jerk you off for mushu pork." Unconfirmed.

"New research in monkeys suggests a combination of AIDS drugs applied as a vaginal gel might prevent infection with HIV. . . " You know hard it is to hold down a monkey long enough to have sex with it, let alone squirt it full of gel first? Looks like trading an old problem for a new one to me.

I know how you all hate them, so here's some Animal Collective BBC MP3s.

2005-11-02T11:52:00.000-05:00

Maybe some words and pictures later, but the Hold Steady show last night was even better than expected.

Hornets! Hornets! // Banging Camp // The Swish // You Gotta Dance (with the one you came to the dance with) // Your Little Hoodrat Friend // Cattle and the Creeping Things // Don't Let Me Explode // Stevie Nix // Chicago Seemed Tired Last Night // Most People Are DJs // Killer Parties

I hate the Magic Bag.

UPDATE: Show reviewed at whatevs.org

2005-11-01T14:09:00.000-05:00

The Hold Steady Day continues...

NPR's coverage of the band from back in August-- a nice little docu-interview thing, plus links to three of their songs with Cliffs Notes.

And Stylus Magazine has a pretty lengthy article that deconstructs the story of Holly and Charlemagne in Separation Sunday. Don't let the fact that it starts with a quote from The Bravery drive you away.

Two non-album tracks:
Milkcrate Mosh
Hey Hey What Can I Do

(Thanks to Mateo Grande and De-frib)

2005-11-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

All the sniffling indie kids, hold steady.
All the clustered up clever kids, hold steady.
The Hold Steady finally plays a Detroit show tonight. It's not a headlining gig, but I'll take what I can get. Separation Sunday is still album of the year, nice try Clap Your Hands Say Arctic Monkeys.

Dinosaur Jr. kicks off their upcoming tour with a "special intimate performance" at the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor. Tickets have just gone on sale this morning, expect them to sell out very soon.

The only difference between the insane homeless man who lives under an overpass and talks to himself in a "secret language" and Mel Gibson--is shitloads of money. Gibson explains Apocalypto, his new film in which everyone speaks Yucateco. I have this great idea for a talk show--it's hosted by Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise. They'd never have any guests or anything, they'd just talk to each other and the cameras for an hour. The amount of entertainment coming out of those sixty minutes would be all the television you'd ever need.

There's a new HBO series shooting called Lucky Louie, created by comedian Louis C.K. and co-starring Jim Norton, a regular Opie & Anthony's radio show, and the show everyone hated but me, Tough Crowd on Comedy Central. If you're not familiar with Norton, take the next fifteen minutes to read his blog, I Stink. It's been dead since January, but there's a new post detailing a pitch for his own sitcom. I'll leave you with the intro, but click over to read the rest of it.

"The working title of my show is Yuck Mouth and revolves around the trials and tribulations of Terry, a male nurse whose spaghetti obsession causes his mouth to constantly be filled with the bile brought up from acid reflux burps. Terry is the everyman; 6’8, 400 lbs and trying to re-acclimate into society after doing 17 years for a string of robbery/rapes. The potential for merriment is virtually endless."

2005-10-28T13:29:00.000-04:00

same drill...
(click to enlarge its horrible detail)

2005-10-28T13:03:00.000-04:00

I've had a lot of requests to bring back Interactive Friday, so here's something to keep you busy while I'm busy. Give me a caption, a backstory or an explaination for this picture (Thanks to Tom for the pic):

2005-10-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

I'm officially jumping on the Arctic Monkeys bandwagon . . . now. Check out three audio clips and a live performance here. I'd post some MP3s, but chances are you're already way ahead of me on this band.

I do have a White Stripes MP3 for you--the studio version of their Tegan and Sara cover, "Walking With The Ghost." Supposed to be an upcoming b-side, or part of an EP, or a 3" vinyl release or something.

I don't believe you, NME.

BitTorrent user convicted of movie sharing. Ok first off, Uh-Oh. But look at the three movies he was sharing: "Miss Congeniality," "Daredevil" and "Red Planet." He deserves jail time.

Ashlee Simpson: even grosserer than we thought.

Hey Alan Ball fans, hope you like vampires.

Here's that stupid, stupid Yoda-rapping easter egg on the Revenge of the Sith DVD, because I know you're going to ask me for it.

2005-10-28T10:29:00.000-04:00

Dude there are way too many people here.
Yeah, and what's with all the gay high school kids?
They're not gay, they're Canadian. They're like, half-French so it's the same thing.

Broken Social Scene played a two-and-a-half hour set to a sold out Majestic Theater last night. Like the Metric show last week, the crowd was about 40% Canadians who drove over from Windsor because what the hell is there to do in Windsor? They got off to an awkward start with some technical difficulties sending a horrible crunching feedback sound through their monitors. They started and stopped a few times, which would have been funny if the band didn't look like they were in so much pain from the sound--some members dropping instruments to cover their ears, and a couple walking off stage. The sound guy changed some cords and everything looked good but as soon as they started, it happened again. The stage was cleared while they tried to sort things out.
After about ten minutes, Kevin Drew came out to keep the crowd entertained. He told his life story, "I grew up in Toronto, not too far from here. I was raised on Detroit music and I want to thank you all for that, this world would be a much worse place without it." He then asked for questions from the crowd, most were trivial: What's your favorite band? Can I have a sip of your beer? What's going on with the lawsuit against the cops in New York? Then someone asked if he'd get naked.
He lost everything but the underwear, and apologized for not having one of his good pair on. "It's laundry day, and I didn't know I'd be showing these off." After a few more questions he put his pants and sweatshirt back on, the feedback issue was sorted and they continued their 15-member musical assault for another two hours.
I'm going to do the unthinkable and compare Broken Social Scene to LCD Soundsystem--you could have heard every studio track recorded but until you see them live, you have no idea what they really sound like. Two drummers, four guitars, a four-piece horn section, a half-dozen voices--you can't hear that on any of their albums. There's eleven U.S. dates left before they head to Canadia, then Europe--catch them if you can.
Oh yeah, the pants came off again during the final encore song, "It's All Gonna Break."

Horn Intro // Hey Joe // K.C. Accidental // Cause=Time // Fire Eye'd Boy // Superconnected // Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl // Major Label Debut // Handjobs for the Holidays // Stars and Sons // Ibi Dreams of Pavement // Almost Crimes // 7/4 // Lover's Split // I'm Still Your Fag // Hotel // Bandwidth // It's All Gonna Break

2005-10-26T19:17:00.000-04:00

No concert review in this post. Promise. I will, however, offer ten thousand Web Vomit points to the person who can tell me how to get rid of that effing pop-up ad. Someone's making money on my site--and it sure isn't me.

Pitchfork tries to sort out the mess that is Animal Collective and all their related projects. I'll save you the headache, bottom line: "a full-scale U.S. migration is scheduled for February." Migration means tour, I think. They must have used to term "migration" because the band is called Animal Collective. Pitchfork writers are super-witty and I didn't want that joke to go over your head. If you still haven't heard Animal Collective's Single Of The Year, "Grass"--download it here. Yes, the fourth time I've hosted it, but the first time I've linked the video.

Is anybody going to the Spoon show Saturday at St. Andrews? I kind of want to go, but I've got shows lined up for Thursday and Friday, which means I'm going to be tired and lazy on Saturday. And I don't have a ticket yet. Is it sold out? I dunno...if you're going, let me know and we can go together. If you're underage, yes I can buy you alcohol. Unless you're a dude.

NME's crappy new buzz band is called Tesicles?

Weezer's Rivers Cuomo is going back to Harvard. He plans on studying time travel in an attempt to stop their latest album, Make Believe, from ever being released. I will keep you in my prayers, Rivers.

I was going to write a joke about this Bon Jovi news, but why bother?

Clap you Hands Shit Your Pantseses Morning Becomes Erectic set can be downloaded here. You have to click "download" forty times to get the tracks, but they're there.

iBoobs.

iMel Gibson.

God of all indie snobs, John Peel's favorite singles list is discovered and published. I'd like to take this time to point out number 134 on the list--The Hentchmen. I'd now like to take this time to point out the return of The Hentchmen to the Detroit concert scene: Magic Stick, November 4. You will be there.

And while you're on the Magic Stick site, check out who's playing with The Dirtbombs on November 23--The Muldoons. I'm pretty sure I'm their official publicist.

The iFodder request lines are open...

U2 Redo

2005-10-26T09:21:00.000-04:00

U2
The Palace of Auburn Hills
October 25, 2005
City Of Blinding Lights // Vertigo // Elevation // I Will Follow // Gloria // The Ocean // I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For // Beautiful Day // Miracle Drug // Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own // Love & Peace Or Else // Sunday Bloody Sunday // Bullet The Blue Sky // Miss Sarajevo // Pride // Where The Streets Have No Name // One // First Time // Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses // With Or Without You // Crumbs From Your Table // Bad

The band that showed up Tuesday night was the one I'd followed since I was a kid. This was the show I had been waiting for. In fact, it was so good I almost feel bad about trashing their show the night before. The set list didn't change that much, but Gloria, Crumbs From Your Table and Bad rarely get played live, and never all three together (and the acoustic Horses was a nice addition). Tuesday's show had a steady, rocking pace compared to Monday's choppy two-songs-and-a-sermon style. All of the political nonsense that held up Monday's show was left out, shortened or worked into a song (Get Up, Stand Up in Sunday Bloody Sunday and MLK into One). The only time Bono stopped to address anything specific was tastefully dedicating One to Rosa Parks. Their playing was more intense, the crowd was louder and Bono left his ego in the dressing room. I had almost lost my faith in U2 after Monday night's show, but they earned it back last night. Road trip, anyone?

U Talk 2 Much

2005-10-25T14:17:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: I have never been able to afford U2 tickets before this tour, so I've never seen them live until last night. Sunday Bloody Sunday was my first "favorite song ever" and Achtung Baby was the first cd I ever bought (I was late in the cassette-to-cd switch) and I'll argue that it's their best album. I wouldn't recommend any album after Achtung Baby to anyone who isn't already a U2 fan. U2 was the last "big act" I had to cross of my Must See Live list. I do not now, nor have I ever sported a mullet, and I don't own any article of clothing with an air-brushed Bono on it. When I pay good money to see a band perform, I expect to hear more of their music than their political or religious solutions to the billion things that are wrong with the world (which is why Bono is now tied with Mel Gibson as #1 celebrity I'd love to see penniless). Now that you know where I stand on U2, here's my observations and snide remarks:

•The band can still play and they all sound great together. When they managed to complete a song from start to finish, without Bono interrupting it with Save The World Storytime, it made me believe they sound as good now as they ever did.
•Stage set-up and lighting are almost as important as the music. An amazing light display and a stage that maximized everyone's view of the band--visually, this was one of the best shows I've ever seen.
•Bono has turned into a bobblehead of himself. His giant, mulleted skull has not stopped growing since birth. Seriously, biggest head ever.
•The Edge would be ten times cooler if he wasn't named after the thing I shave my balls with . . . if I shaved my balls.
•Bono saying to the crowd "Thanks for giving us such a great life" is probably the most offensive thing I've ever heard an over-paid ego-maniac say--but the crowd went wild.
•There is a large Irish community in Metro-Detroit that I didn't know about. Whenever Bono mentioned Dublin, 80% of the audience went crazy and 10% waved Irish flags. I had no idea.
•Hearing Sunday Bloody Sunday live, a life-long goal, was interrupted by a ten-minute break during which Bono talked about different religions coexisting peacefully. I really wish the first and last half of that song coexisted peacefully.
•Before Walk On, Bono says they wore the song five years ago for a woman who was imprisoned ten years ago, in hopes that the Generals (or whoever) would release her. Five years later, the Generals still can't afford a U2 ticket and have never heard the song. The woman remains imprisoned.
•During With Or Without You, Bono pulled a lucky girl from the audience and held her throughout the song. Tonight, it's a lucky dude's turn. (Thanks to Kenny for the camera-phone pic)
Overall, kind disappointing since I've wanted to see this band perform since I was eight. Again, their music sounded great and the song selection was decent, but there was too much of Bono's bullshit throughout the show. We'll see what happens tonight but unless they play The Fly or Acrobat, I don't see them salvaging the two-day event. Despite my ranting I'd like to again say "Thanks" to the person who made it possible for me to attend both shows. Thanks.

U2
The Palace of Auburn Hills
October 24, 2005
City Of Blinding Lights // Vertigo // Elevation // I Will Follow // The Electric Co. // The Ocean // I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For // Beautiful Day // Miracle Drug // Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own // Love And Peace Or Else // Sunday Bloody Sunday // Bullet The Blue Sky // Miss Sarajevo // Pride (In The Name Of Love) // Where The Streets Have No Name // One // Walk On // Stuck In A Moment // With Or Without You // All Because Of You // Yahweh // "40"

2005-10-25T10:59:00.000-04:00

[If anyone knows how I'm getting pop-ups on this site, or how I can rid of them--PLEASE let me know.]

I've been away so long, I don't know where to start. How about Elton John wanting to put his arm around Pete Doherty? I'm pretty sure he meant in a "reach around" sort of way. You know with all the problems Doherty has, the last thing he needs is a giant gay Sir after his sweaty ass. In other Doherty news, the Babyshambles album--Down In Albion--does the opposite of grow on you. I liked it better the first time I heard it, but less during each new listen.

You can download the new Fiery Furnaces album, if you're into downloading the new Fiery Furnaces album. This is the one where Matt and Eleanor's grandmother join in on vocals. It's not as bad as it sounds, and it's not as bad as the reviews you've read. Unless you think it is.

Remember how I spat out that little review of The Muldoons and everyone in the world found my blog? If everyone in the world is still interested, Mr. Blackwell has put their 7" up for sale on CassRecords.com. I'm planning on buying them all and putting them on ebay next Tuesday. You have a week to order yours, after that expect to pay my 2000% markup.

For your entertainment: A couple guys trash-talk some horrendous Halloween costumes. It's pretty. . .pretty. . .pretty funny, so check it out if you're stuck at work.

I should probably mention I quit my job to blog full-time. I heard New Yorkers are doing it, so I figured what the hell. . . I'll give it a shot. According to this site, my blog is worth $5,080.86, so I guess I just wait for my check now. This is gonna be awesome.

I saw U2 last night in Auburn Hills. U2 was awesome, Bono sucked. An un-biased review is coming...

2005-10-23T14:09:00.000-04:00

Number five in the ongoing series of leaked Strokes songs--and the song it reminds you of:

The Strokes - "Razor Blade"

Barry Manilow - "Mandy"

2005-10-21T11:34:00.000-04:00

Leaked-on-purpose new Strokes song #4: "On The Other Side"
download link 1
download link 2
download link 3

2005-10-20T10:20:00.000-04:00

Real quick:

Leaked Strokes song #3: "15 Minutes of Pain."
download link 1
download link 2
download link 3

And the complete Babyshambles album has leaked, but you'll have to find that yourself.

2005-10-19T00:20:00.000-04:00

Hello. Is there anybody in here? Just nod if you can hear me.

I've come down with a horrible case of ~~Asian Bird Flu~~ work and had to abandon my blogging duties for a bit. My physician tells me the symptoms should clear up by Monday, so there might not be much content until then.

The new Animal Collective album gets reviewed on Pitchfork. (yes, the one you could download from this site in August) Using their scientific formula of drawing numbers out of a hat, then masturbating to the American Apparel ads on their site, they gave it a 9.0 I was hoping it'd knock Kanye's album out of the top spot this year, but it didn't. Pitchfork likes black people.

Have you ever gone to Las Vegas and eaten at one of the all-you-can-eat buffets? Have you ever gone and eaten only from the desert table so you end up with a "too much sugar" stomach ache? Re-create that feeling by purchasing The Killers 7" boxed set. Includes something pink, a mascara brush and delusions of grandeur.

For those following my concert schedule, I missed the SSM show on Friday, decided to see The Beggars instead of Electric Six on Saturday--but missed that, saw Metric on Monday and missed Mike Doughty last night. I'll also be skipping Warlocks tomorrow. Not a good succexy ratio.

Speaking of Metric, their new video for Monster Hospital is here. And I would also like to disclose Emily Haines as my CRILF #1 (cr= chick rocker).

Friday marks another event in The Johnny The Headband's rise to fame (adding a couple trendy "the"s can only help). They're playing The Lager House this Friday with The Muggs and Fifth Period Fever. Check out their latest web update to see what the Johnnys have in store for the coming months. They were also asked to play the upcoming Paybacks/Hentchmen Rock Spectacular at the Magic Stick by Detroit rock hero Wendy Case, but the boys had other commitments that night . [insert sad emoticon here]

The second of three Detroit White Stripes shows has made its way onto the webs--excellent sound quality for a bootleg. Torrent here.

I'm sure you've already seen these:
The Shining as a family movie
Titanic as a horror movie

I haven't updated my iFodder in a while. The first one to request an album from the sidebar gets it posted. Unless I've posted it already.

2005-10-14T10:01:00.000-04:00

Hey McSweeny, it's Clap Your Hands Shit Your Pants. How many times do I have to say it?

2005-10-13T21:00:00.000-04:00

Busy at work again. Sorry for the lack of . . . anything.

For anyone who was planning on joining us, the First Official Web Vomit Road Trip to Cleveland to see LCD Soundsystem has been cancelled. It has nothing to do with them selling out to Playstation. (FYI: Blogger's spellcheck wants to change "soundystem" to "sandwiches.")

Regarding my anti-Bon Jovi comment the other day, I've been promised a review of the Detroit show. I have very little faith the reviewer will be sober enough to remember anything, (which I believe is a sub-conscious defense mechanism against trashy 80s rock) but be sure to check back here after the show for all the stone-washed details.

Finally!!! I can pay to watch last night's episode of Lost on a tiny screen instead of watching it free the night before on my normal-sized television. My hatred of iThings continues.
iPod is the perfect example of how important name recognition is. When I was a kid, we called any piece of chicken a "Chicken McNugget," regardless of what restaurant we were at. Hell, they were even called "Chicken McNuggets" at home. In the spectrum of chicken items, Chicken McNuggets had to be the lowest quality and the least likely to be actual chicken--but it was the name we knew because of Saturday morning commercials and the fact that we'd eat anything if it came in a cardboard castle with a transforming Big Mac longest sentence ever.
You already know where I'm going with this--iPod is the Chicken McNugget of MP3 players. Everyone who wants an MP3 player orders an iPod because they don't realize there are "chicken selects," "chicken tenders" and "chicken strips" to be had. iPods have flashy neon commercials with hip songs and that cute little "i" before every overpriced accessory—it’s the greatest invention since electricity (yes, I know).
Much like meeting someone who’s allergic to chicken, but can still eat Chicken McNuggets (true story) — one day, you’re going to come to your senses. That day might come the month after your iCare warranty expires, or the day you have to deal with anyone in The Apple Store, or the day you try to get the music you’ve paid for out of you iPod. Either way, I fucking told you so.
If you’re in the market for an MP3 player, try Creative instead. They’ve done everything Apple has, first—and even had their “Nano” name stolen. They don’t come with white earbuds but if you’re worried about giving the impression you can think for yourself, they can easily be painted.

2005-10-12T21:37:00.000-04:00

I had to post this MySpace profile. Check out the first comment.

2005-10-12T18:16:00.000-04:00

I've got no free time but if you do, watch this tonight:

"Black Rebel Motorcycle Club will perform on The Late Show With
David Letterman tonight (Wednesday, October 12th). This will be their debut performance on the legendary talk show and they will be playing Ain't No Easy Way. It airs 11.30pm ET/PT. Check local listings for information."

Also, if someone tries to sell you a guitar and it's one of the ones mentioned below--please bring it to me because the thought of "being rewarded beyond my wildest dreams" by Sharin Foo is one of my wildest dreams:

We are completely devastated.
Our gear was stolen on Friday Oct. 7 in Brooklyn,
NYC. So much has been lost, but these 4 guitars & basses listed underneath
are truly the things that matter most to us... like Wagner's Jazzmaster from
1961 that he has lived & traveled with, played & written on for the past
12 years. And Sharin's beloved Gretsch from 1967. If you see or hear anything about these 2 guitars and 2 basses please email us immediately at info@theraveonettes.com and you will be rewarded
beyond your wildest dreams.
Yours,
Sharin

Gretsch Chet Atkins 6120 1965 Guitar Orange V89V391 Fender
Jazzmaster Guitar, Sunburst 55820 Fender Precision 1974 Bassguitar L. Tan 317392 Rickenbacker 4001 1974 Bassguitar OK 7546

Everything in today's post came from my Hotmail inbox. Sorry.

2005-10-11T15:49:00.000-04:00

Can someone explain to me how Bon Jovi can be playing 2 shows at the Palace and charge $97.50 per ticket? How does Bon Jovi still have fans, and how do those people on the lower rungs of the evolutionary ladder have $113.00 (after convenience charges) to spend on a concert?

2005-10-11T09:30:00.000-04:00

Looks like ~~Jack and Meg~~. ~~Jack and Renee~~. Jack and Karen are going to have an albino baby. Following the current trend of celebrities naming their children after fruits and comic book aliens, I have a feeling the Whites are going to outdo their peers by inventing a new word for their child. (You know like "Inchophone" or "Triple Tremelo.")

"Apple's iPod . . . recently surpassed vaginal sex as the most popular thing ever." Tiny Mix Tapes covers Disney's MP3 player better than I ever could.

"The Man" demands I work now. More later.

I Love The 90s

2005-10-10T11:15:00.000-04:00

I did the Kaiser Chiefs/Weezer/Foo Fighters and Autolux/Queens of the Stone Age/Nine Inch Nails weekend at Joe Louis in Detroit. Due to time constraints, I'll give a Best/Worst of list:
Best Headlining Act: Nine Inch Nails. The intensity of Trent's angst plus the energy of the crowd edges out Foo Fighters' excellent performance.
Worst Act All Weekend: Weezer. Covering Foo's "Big Me" makes it obvious you guys are done. Just go away.
Biggest Scheduling Mistake: Kaiser Chiefs playing before Weezer. High-energy twenty-something BritPop opens for thirty-five year old washed up AmeriPop.
Best Moment: Tie, both NIN. The political/environmental picture show on the curtain during their performance of "Right Where It Belongs," and the emotional fit Reznor threw during the last "you fucking lied to me" lyric of "Terrible Lie"--smashing his mic stand, throwing the microphone, and pushing over an amp.
Best Scenery: Tie. Saturday's show drew the all-American, GAP-wearing cute girls. Sunday drew the pierced and tattooed, black-sports-bra-clad, hot goth chicks.
Best Break Music: The latest, unreleased Eagles of Death Metal album--played while the stage was being set for Queens of the Stone Age.
Worst $8.50 Spent: A 32 oz. beer from the taps of the Joe Louis Arena. I'm positive the beer sitting in those taps is from last year's hockey season that never happened.
Best Overheard Comment: "Don't let it touch you, or you'll turn into a has-been," said as four confetti blowers switched on after Weezer's last song.
Biggest Disappointment: Tie. Kaiser Chiefs' performance being cut short so Weezer could play a full set, and my dumb ass waiting until after the show to buy a Nine Inch Nails/Detroit gig poster. They sold out--if you have one, I'm buying.

2005-10-07T10:02:00.000-04:00

Looks like the lawyers are finally done making last year's The Go! Team debut suitable for a U.S. release. It still kills me that the album was fine for release everywhere else in the world, except the United States of Corporate America. Thanks, lawyers--for keeping our children safe from dangerous musical samples, and killing the momentum of another do-it-yourself indie band.

In "Greatest Holiday Shows Ever" news, Pas/Cal's website has listed December 17th at the Lager House for their annual XXXmas XXXtravaganza. I know it's only October, but you should get in line now.

And while I'm on the topic, it looks like one of tracks that won't make it onto the new Pas/Cal album has made it's way onto the intrawebs. You can read Caz's comments about the situation here. I don't know what kind of person distributes leaked tracks in the onlines, but I've got it for you right here. (Thanks Miss Modernage)

Kiera Knightley's lapdance scene in Domino. It's not that good, but I have a duty to post all things Alba and Knightley.

I thought I linked the "Janet Jackson naked sunbathing" video earlier this week. I didn't. NSFW.

Hey masochists, wake up.

2005-10-06T20:44:00.000-04:00

It's been slow the last couple of days--besides celebrity pregnancies, crashes and sex tapes, nothing's going on. I don't know who's in charge of updating the intrawebs, but they haven't been doing a good job this week.

I want to welcome the hundreds of new visitors who've been checking in lately, mostly coming from White Stripes-ish links and searches. I usually tend to offend or bore most people away so until then, enjoy your stay. (If you read that last line real fast aloud, you'll sound like Eminem. Try it.)

I kept forgetting to put it in the sidebar, but Blanche will be playing at The Magic Stick this Saturday night. Blanche is one of those bands that I can't figure out why they're not playing to bigger audiences. Does the word "country" that creeps into their description scare people away? Do people think they're going to get punched by J Dubya if they show up? Do they think they're going to be laughed at if they're not wearing a vintage suit or dress? Stop worrying. I've come up with four good reasons, and one ridiculous reason, why you should go the the Blanche show this Saturday"
1. You have an open mind, good taste in music and can appreciate dark, poetic lyrics.
2. You have ten to twelve dollars.
3. They're in the new issue of Maxim, described as "so creepy and cryptic they make The Cure look like Hanson." (thanks, MCR.)
4. Dan Miller plays Luther Perkins in the upcoming Johnny Cash biopic, Walk The Line. (Tracee Mae plays Bertie Perkins) Ask them about a drunken Joaquin Phoenix driving off with their gear after the CMJ gig last year, then ask for their movie-star autographs!
5. I was in a movie with Dan Miller. I was an unpaid extra and he had a speaking role (as Dan Rather), our scenes didn't shoot on the same day and we never met--but I'm now a link in the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game: Jasper to Dan Miller to Joaquin Phoenix to Ed Harris (in Buffalo Soldiers) to Kevin Bacon (in Apollo 13). And that's only four degrees!!!

Here's two Blanche tracks you won't find on their Cass Records release, "If We Can't Trust The Doctors..." Enjoy these uplifting songs:
"Red Head"
"Never Again" (demo)

2005-10-05T14:30:00.000-04:00

There is a God y'all, but He only answers my prayers if they're about hillbilly porn. And, apparently, He already has a copy of the video, since satellite images have picked up His money shot.

2005-10-05T11:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am working on MP3ing The Muldoons 7". Just give me a little time. . .

Success story of the year, Clap Your Hands Shit Your Pants can't keep pressing their homemade record, sign to a major label in the UK. I'm still waiting for them to apologize for skipping Detroit on their tour.

Overrated boy band of the year, The Killers, are set to record their second album. It's going to sound a lot like the first album, but with more mascara.

The Darkness' new song, One Way Ticket, can be heard here. The joke's getting old guys, and I'm not sure it was that funny to begin with.

Bloc Party's new b-side, Hero. Does the opening guitar remind anyone else of the beginning of the Sesame Street theme song? Yeah, I didn't think so.

And here's that Strokes song I was going to post, then wasn't, now am: You Only Live Once. I haven't decided if it's actually The Strokes or the best Strokes cover band I've ever heard.

2005-10-04T11:24:00.000-04:00

The White Stripes are scheduled guests on The Daily Show for December 1. Hopefully Jack's mom makes an appearance in a skit.

Sunday's White Stripes show has been torrented and made available on the Dime. Here's a sample: "Death Letter" with "Grinnin' In Your Face." The recording doesn't do it justice, but this song performed live is my favorite sound in the entire world. Keep in mind that's one man with one guitar.

Pitchfork gives the new Broken Social Scene album an 8.4. It deserves an 8.6 at least.

Still developing: That soccer mom who sued the RIAA. I love soccer moms, they usually have a minivan full of young girls in shorts and knee pads. Disclaimer: I'm referring to 18 year old high school seniors. I don't need your hate mail.

I'm going to keep posting Carl Barat news in an attempt to counteract all the other blogs posting Pete Doherty news. Plus, Barat has a chance of a successful career, while Doherty's still a junkie twat.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's next single off "Howl" will be Weight Of The World. The single will have too noo tracks, Mercy and Feel it Now. Once I have them, so will yoo.

Hey, Hollywood--your children are not accessories, give them people names. People names. Where is social services when you need them?

Two more tickets fall into my lap, and since I'm a concert junkie I can't turn down a show I don't have to pay for. I'll be at Steve Winwood tonight and Foo Fighters on Friday. Honestly, I'm getting tired of the venue shows. I miss the bar scene-- The Stick, The Lager House, The Belmont, Smalls. It's almost painful to think about the upcoming U2 shows at The Palace.

2005-10-03T22:33:00.000-04:00

A few things to wrap up and I'm done talking about the weekend.

The Impostors Of The Deep Society show on Saturday was fantasticular. If you missed out, you've got a year to kick yourself over it.

Saturday's White Stripes show featured a second, unannounced opener--The Muldoons. After The Greenhornes cleared out and the Stripes' gear was uncovered, Brian Muldoon and two kids wandered out onto the stage. Brian took a seat at Meg's drum kit, and the two boys each grabbed a guitar and walked to a mic (I'm guessing age 8 and 13 but I'm a shitty guesser, and could never work at a carnival). Ben Blackwell (Jack's nephew, The Dirtbombs, Cass Records, etc.) came out and introduced his "new favorite thing in Detroit--The Muldoons!!"
Now if ~~you're as well versed in Detroit rock history as I am~~ your life is as boring as mine, you'll know that Jack White was Brian Muldoon's apprentice at an upholstery shop, they formed a guitar/drum duo called Two Part Resin and released The Upholsterers 7". (buy it here.)
Well, the two kids turn out to be Brian's sons--Hunter (the older, plays guitar/backing vocals), and Shane (vocals and crazy amp-distortion guitar). Their style was good ole Detroit garage rock, Brian played Meg's kit like it's never been played before, Shane's vocals did not sound like they were coming from an 8-ish-year-old, and if you told me Jack didn't teach Hunter how to play a guitar, I wouldn't believe you.
The crowd loved it--some for their talent and some for their cute factor, which Jack is a genius at marketing. (In fact, maybe the "sons" are really 40 year-old men with growth disorders. And are married. Or divorced.) They received a standing ovation and the boys looked almost embarrassed to be standing on such a huge stage in front of thousands of people applauding. The family humbly thanked Jack and Ben, along with the crowd repeatedly.
Shortly after their set, a Muldoons 7" appeared at the merch booth and since I'm a sucker for vinyl, I bought one. It wasn't until I got home did I notice the "produced by jack white," "recorded at third man studios" credit on the Cass Records pressed seven-inch. The record was numbered 5 out of 50 and the label was hand-colored in marker and crayon. Sound familiar?
Pictures of the product:
front cover
inside cover
back cover
7" #1
7" #2
If you get the opportunity to see a Muldoons performance, or pick up their four-song seven-inch, it comes Jasper approved.

I know I promised the new Strokes track, but chances are you've already found it somewhere else and to be honest, it sounds like some other band trying to sound like the Strokes. Or The Strokes trying to sound like The Cars. If you really want it, leave a comment and I'll post it Tuesday. Instead, I'm going to close this out with all three tracks off The Upholsterers 7" so you don't have to spend $163.50 on ebay. If the links expire, leave a comment--I'll see it and repost them.
The Upholsterers - Ain't Superstitious
The Upholsterers - Pain (Give Me Sympathy)
The Upholsterers - Apple Of My Eye

2005-10-03T13:38:00.000-04:00

A newly leaked Strokes song and details of last night's secret extra White Stripes opener are coming in the "after work" hours.

"I Thank You And My Sister Thanks You. Goodnight."

2005-10-03T11:13:00.000-04:00

White Stripes
Masonic Temple
October 2, 2005

It's hard to say which show was better--Saturday had an intensity I'd never seen at a Stripes show before, but Sunday's set list was so . . . incredibly odd. Black Jack Davey, a Tegan and Sara cover, a slowed down Astro, whatever that Harrigan thing was, and a song that has yet to be identified--was it a cover? A new song perhaps? They did eight or nine more songs they hadn't covered the nights before, including their next single, Denial Twist and a solo-Jack-in-the-spotlight version of You've Got Her In Your Pocket. If you forced me to be disappointed about anything, it would be the lack of Take, Take, Take or Top Special all three nights--but honestly, it was the best three nights of live music possibly ever. I got a lot of "Why do you need to go to all three nights?" in the weeks preceding the shows, but I think if you made it to any of the gigs you understand--if only Visa's bill collectors understood and stopped calling me.

set list:
Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground (start) / Blue Orchid / Hotel Yorba / The Denial Twist / Apple Blossom / I Think I Smell A Rat (start), Passive Manipulation, I Think I Smell A Rat (finish), Harrigan / Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground (finish), Cannon (start), John The Revelator, Cannon (finish) / Fell In Love With A Girl / Ball And Biscuit (intro riff tease) / My Doorbell / As Ugly As I Seem / Death Letter (with Grinnin' In Your Face / Do / Screwdriver / ???? / Black Jack Davey / Walking With A Ghost (Tegan and Sara cover) / Hardest Button To Button / Ball And Biscuit / Seven Nation Army
encore:
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself / Little Ghost (with Blue Moon Kentucky) / Red Rain / You've Got Her In Your Pocket / When I Hear My Name / Astro (slow version) / The Nurse / Boll Weevil

"There's Something Wrong With This Guitar, Harold."

2005-10-02T09:47:00.000-04:00

White Stripes
Masonic Temple
October 1, 2005

An insanely intense second show, much quicker paced than the previous night. Jack came out playing so hard, he almost seemed angry. They did twelve songs they didn't do the night before, and even the repeated songs had changed a bit (Jack sitting at the drum kit, playing guitar, bass drum and cymbal while Meg sang Cold, Cold Night). The crowd seemed a lot more into the show than on Friday, at least from where I was sitting (which was in the middle of a White and Gillis family reunion). All in all, a better show that ended with Jack and Meg slow dancing on the stage for a bit, and then Jack carrying her off in his arms.

set list:
Lets Shake Hands / Blue Orchid / Party Of Special Things To Do / Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground / Passive Manipulation / Cannon (intro riff), I Think I Smell A Rat (intro riff), Ball And A Biscuit / St. James Infirmary / Little Bird / I Want To Be The Boy / Stones In My Passway (Robert Johnson cover) / My Doorbell / Wasting My Time / Jolene / In The Cold Cold Night / Same Boy You've Always Known / Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine / Cannon(intro), Passive Manipulation, Cannon, I Think I Smell A Rat (riff) / Hardest Button To Button
encore:
When I Hear My Name / Instinct Blues / Lafayette Blues / The Union Forever / The Nurse / Red Rain / Seven Nation Army / We Are Going To Be Friends / Forever For Her (Is Over For Me) / I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself / Hotel Yorba / Boll Weevil

This show was recorded, I'll provide the link when it's available.

Maybe Jasper Does The Astro

2005-10-01T12:44:00.000-04:00

White Stripes
Masonic Temple
September 30, 2005

There is no live show like a White Stripes live show. It's been too long since the duo played a hometown gig and I'd almost forgotten how amazing their performance is. Almost. Despite a handful people who must have gotten corporate tickets or won them at a golf outing or something (I'm looking at you, section M13 row 1 and 2), the show was amazing. Jack even took time to tell a story: "Mr. Kwame Kilpatrick came over my house today. We had breakfast this morning. He asked to borrow some money--I said, 'Do it like you always get it, Kwame'. "

set list:
Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground (first half) / Black Math / Passive Manipulation / Blue Orchid / Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground (second half) / Hotel Yorba / I Think I Smell a Rat / Instinct Blues / My Doorbell / Cannon (first half) / When I Hear My Name / Death Letter / One More Cup of Coffee / Astro / Jack the Ripper / The Nurse / Cannon (finish) / The Big Three Killed My Baby / In the Cold, Cold Night / Ball and Biscuit
encore:
I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet) / As Ugly as I Seem / Hardest Button to Button / Fell in Love with a Girl / I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself / Little Ghost / Red Rain / Apple Blossom / Let's Shake Hands / Seven Nation Army / Boll Weevil

2005-09-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

Pop-disguised-as-metal band, System of a Down played to 19,986 guys and 14 women last night in "Detroit Crack City." Their setlist included a cover of Dire Straits' "Sultans of Swing," (played normally, not metal-y) the only change made was the lyrics in the chorus: "We are the system, we are the system of a down." The Mars Volta, who had impressed me back in May, sounded horrible last night.

You may have heard about the new song The White Stripes have been playing on tour, called "Top Special." The good news is, they've made it available to purchase at any of the three shows at the Masonic Temple this weekend. The bad news is, the format is 3" vinyl. Yes, 3" vinyl exists now--thanks to a certain lunatic who felt the need to create a new format. What's that? You don't have a 3" vinyl player? Well, the crazy man has built one and you can buy it at the merch booth for a mere $120 (plus $30 for the "Top Special" vinyl). Finally, something justifies me bringing $400 cash to every concert I go to.

While I'm on the topic, the unofficial official unofficial after-party for Saturday's White Stripes show is Imposters Of The Deep Society at The Belmont. These guys only play once a year so if you miss them Saturday, you're going to have to wait till next year--and with your lifestyle, who knows if you'll be around next year? Cover is $120 and you need special $30 ear-adapters invented by Jack White to hear any of the music being played. Wait . . . wrong show. Cover is FREE and you can get a bottle of Little King's Cream Ale for a buck (PBR for $1.50) so what's your excuse?

2005-09-29T16:07:00.000-04:00

It's Dungen Day on Pitchfork with two articles. I'm still undecided about going to their upcoming Magic Stick show. Wanna carpool?

Blur learns nothing from Weezer, plans on releasing horrible albums instead of retiring with dignity.

Yay, government!! Here's a Black Panther coloring book, produced by the FBI to violate civil rights.

I saw Steve-O staple something to his scrotum at Lollapalooza a few years back. You can watch him go completely crazy on Too Late with Adam Corolla and try to figure out what drugs he isn't on.

2005-09-28T13:27:00.000-04:00

This girl fight is sweet and all, but what about the chick on the floor who's been dead for hours?

2005-09-27T17:02:00.000-04:00

Please translate!!

2005-09-27T16:24:00.000-04:00

Gonna be sitting at your computer tonight? Why not tune in for the live broadcast of the White Stripes show in Maryland?
Webcast Schedule
7:00 p.m. ET - M. Ward
8:00 p.m. ET - The Shins (they will not change your live. STFU)
9:10 p.m. ET - The White Stripes
All Times Approximate

2005-09-27T16:04:00.000-04:00

So my hype machine has jumped from BRMC to The Hold Steady because I'm going to be pissed if De-frib and I are the only ones at their show (Magic Bag, Nov. 1). A Colorado high school teacher has managed to book the band to play during seventh period. "The class is currently studying the band's music and using the lyrics to fuel class discussion." In case your ADD has kept you from paying attention, the entire album tells a story:
("In Separation Sunday, a confused Catholic girl named Hallelujah (Holly) hooks up with a motley assortment of shady characters, does a gang of drugs, gets born again when some guy with a nitrous tank dunks her in a river, wakes up in a confession booth, and maybe dies and maybe comes back from death.")
Also according to Pitchfork, the band will appear in an upcoming episode of Lost.

2005-09-27T14:32:00.000-04:00

Coke is relaunching TAB as an energy drink marketed towards women. So now you ladies can have more energy for . . . um . . . nagging, using the house phone AND your cell phone at the same time, reading People magazine, shopping for scented candles, talking shit about your "best friend," watching Sex In The City re-runs and having mood-swings. Thanks, Coke!!

2005-09-27T10:28:00.000-04:00

One of my million favorite bands is collectively writing a book: John's Journey by The Walkmen. They're also putting together their third LP--good luck topping "The Rat," possibly the greatest single of 2004.

Robert and Dean DeLeo (Stone Temple Pilots), Richard Patrick (Filter) and some drummer have formed a "supergroup." According to their press release, the first order of business after signing to Columbia is travelling back in time to 1996 and selling a "whole buncha records."

I'm the only one who still likes The Hives, so they will only sell one of these DVDs.

Oasis and Kasabian pair up for something--only NME knows what. In a releated story, I am offering a handful of peanut M&Ms to the person who can give me actual information on the three-times-rescheduled Kasabian @ St. Andrews show that was supposed to happen July 23 then October 10 then October 8 then ???

That stupid-looking blonde chick (that had a couple ribs removed) slipped up and revealed the villians of the new Spider-Man film: Venom and Sandman.

I always miss out.

2005-09-26T10:30:00.000-04:00

I'm not posting the Franz track I said I would because you can stream the entire album here. If you're interested I was going to give you track nine, "What You Meant." It's my mostest favoritest.

I am, however, in the process of updating the iFodder link so you can download one of the two albums I consider the very best of 2005 (along with Howl). In a related story. . .

Because I'm delusional, I've officially given myself credit for the buzz surrounding the band Clap Your Hands Shit Your Pants. It saddens me to know that we will not be appearing together on The O.C. CYHSYP have turned down an invitation to perform live on an upcoming episode. They've also turned down every invitation to play Detroit. Ingrates.

Last night's Interpol @ Michigan Theater setlist: Next Exit, Slow Hands, Narc, Not Even Jail, Hands Away, Say Hello To The Angels, Evil, C'mere, Public Pervert, Take You On A Cruise, PDA, Stella,Untitled, Obstacle 2.

I've been a fan of Fox News' Shepard Smith ever since his J-Lo "blow job" flub a couple years back. Watch him get knocked on his ass by Hurricane Rita.

What's you favorite part of this video? I have three favorites--I don't want to spoil it, but they happen at 1:10-1:30, 2:11 and 2:15-2:20.

2005-09-24T18:41:00.000-04:00

Beck's setlist from Thursday night at the State Theater in Detroit:
Black Tambourine, Girl, Novacaine, Devil's Haircut, Que Onda Guero, Loser, Rental Car, Emergency Exit, Lost Cause, Go It Alone, Medley 1 (He's A Mighty Good Leader, Hotwax, Nicotine & Gravy, Hell Yes), Where It's At, Broken Drum, Medley 2 (Lonesome Tears, Lonesome Whistle, Tropicalia, Do You Realize?? [Flaming Lips cover]), Debra, The Golden Age, Clap Hands (Shit Pants), Sexx Laws, Mixed Bizness, Encore with Whirlwind Heat: E-Pro, Get Real Paid.

And look what Jasper has for you: Download the entire Detroit Beck show.

As for the openers, Whirlwind Heat was great. They're one of those Michigan (Grand Rapids) bands that rarely play Detroit. An album production by Uncle Jack and Aunt Brendan launched them out of the grubby Detroit bar touring circuit and into international venues.

Speaking of "international," the second opener was the Canadian version of Andrew WK. With drum sensors on his feet and chest, a keyboard hanging from each shoulder, a headset mic, strange armbands and a kilt--McRorie was solely responsible for all the noise that came out of the speakers. While his music wasn't my style, he was hella-coordinated. Check out his site and video.

Then came Beck--one of the most fun big-venue performances I've seen. The highlight: While Beck was doing an acoustic version of "Debra," a fully set dinner table was brought out and his backing band sat down and ate. During the next two songs the six(?) of them backed Beck's vocals by playing everything on the table--plates, glasses, utensils, salt shakers, whatever it's called when you rub your wet finger on the rim of a glass, etc. The whole thing was insanely layered and choreographed--if anyone has a video of it, please send it my way. In the meantime, you can download the wav file right here.

Enough with the concert reviews. Yesterday afternoon I received an "Admit Two" pass for a screening of Into The Blue. Even if you're new to this site, you've probably noticed my unhealthy obsession with Jessica Alba that started way back during Dark Angel (pre-stupid looking blonde hair days). I have no idea how the pass found its way to my house, but what's the expression--Don't look a gift-horse in the perfect ass? Something like that. Anyway, the movie looks horrible so I'll be bringing ear plugs. And lotion.

This site should be back up to its completely useless timewasting status starting Monday. I'll post a new Franz Ferdinand track for all those who've been e-mailing me, requesting I post the leaked album. Legally, I can't put the whole album up--but if I share a couple tracks, it falls under "promoting" since I've got a link to purchase the album in the sidebar. If you're going to buy the album anyway, use the link to the right and save me a lawsuit. I'd appreciate it.

2005-09-22T10:10:00.000-04:00

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
September 21, 2005
Saint Andrews, Detroit

In keeping with the last couple weeks (months?), I'm just going to half-ass this one because I'm pressed for time. Sorry

The Set List:
Devil's Waitin, Fault Line, Restless Sinner, Shuffle Your Feet, Aint No Easy Way, Still Suspicion Holds You Tight, Weight Of The World, Love Burns, White Palms, Punk Song, As Sure As The Sun, Six Barrel Shotgun, Howl, US Government, Sympathetic Noose, Promise
The Encore:
Spread Your Love, Stop, Heart + Soul, Gospel Song, The Line, Open Invitation

I've also got an audio/video file from the close of the show--Peter and Robert doing the hidden track off the new album. There's a horrible feedback screech about 18 seconds in, so don't crank your speakers until after that. And don't complain about the quality, it was recorded on a digital camera. (If the link expires, leave a comment and let me know--I'll re-post it)

Download link 1
Download link 2

BRMC

2005-09-22T00:13:00.000-04:00

Over 2 hours, 22 songs. Details when I get a free minute.

There is no "Q" in Barbecue

2005-09-21T12:36:00.000-04:00

Did anyone else call into work with their reason for not coming in on time being "I couldn't hear my alarm over the constant ringing in my ears"?

After watching an aerobics session in the Belmont, having a few drinks (including an $8.75 beer), enjoying another rocktacular Johnny Headband performance, inhaling a B.B.Q'd hot dog AND hamburger, and securing my spot in the max capacity crowd, Electric Six played their longest set ever--wrapping up at 2am. It was good to see that the slowly-getting-older, regular Detroit crowd still has no problem sacrificing their night's sleep on a workday to catch a good show.
The Set List:
Rockshow, Electric Demons In Love, Dance Epidemic, She's White, Take Off Your Clothes, Devil Night, Naked Pictures (Of Your Mother), I Invented The Night, Bite Me, Future Boys, Remote Control (Me), Gay Bar, Rock and Roll Evacuation, Dance-A-Thon, Improper Dancing, Danger! High Voltage, Future Is In The Future, I Am Detroit, I'm The Bomb, Be My Dark Angel, Dance Commander, Synthesizer, Radio Ga Ga.

See you all tonight at St. Andrews.

2005-09-21T10:33:00.000-04:00

The Strokes - "Juicebox"

download 1

download 2

(Thanks to Mateo Grande for doing my job for me, since there is no "AutoBlog" feature and my brain is still ringing from last night's show.)

2005-09-20T13:28:00.000-04:00

Look who's got a blog. The members of PAS/CAL have set up a blog to keep them busy while they pretend to record their first full-length. This could be the longest running blog in history.

2005-09-20T10:47:00.000-04:00

My new favorite band based on name alone: You Say Party! We Say Die! They even have an EP titled Danskwad. We'll see if they can de-throne Clap Your Hands, Shit Your Pants. Stay tuned, I am NOT downloading them illegally from work right now.

UPDATE: They are no CYHSYP

2005-09-19T18:57:00.000-04:00

Mateo Grande, MCR contributor and keeper of secret information, has informed me that Whirlwind Heat will be the opening act for Beck this Thursday. Me gusta Whirlwind Heat y zapatos.

2005-09-19T12:41:00.000-04:00

A regular posting schedule will resume next week. Between the last week and weekend spent at work, and the week that's just starting--I understand why people cut themselves and I'm gratefull we'll be in "long-sleeve weather" soon. The Electric Six, BRMC and Beck shows this week will be the only times I'm allowed out of the office, so if you see me passed out at any of the venues--if you could throw me in a cab and send me back to work, I'd appreciate it. Here's the little bit of news I have:

UPDATE: Arrested Development's almost-didn't-happen 3rd season starts tonight. Why aren't you watching this show?

Welcome to JamRock. Bob Marley spawn, Damian "Junior Gong" Marley, will open both ~~Detroit~~ Auburn Hills U2 shows.

Someone must have beat some sense into Damon Albarn: Gorillaz will play actual live shows in November. That's a step in the right direction, but you're still nowhere near sane enough for Coxon to come back and deal with your shit. Keep trying.

Carl Barat, former co-singer/songwriter of The Libertines--you know the normal one without the coke habit or supermodel girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/girlfriend, is putting his band back together. Meanwhile, Pete Doherty is somewhere being a twat and thinking he can get a tour off.

Loyal readers will know of my love for The Hold Steady's latest album, Separation Sunday, and will have already bought tickets for their November 1st show (since it's going to sell out). It turns out The Hold Steady is NOT headlining this show--the Constantines are. This does not make the ribosomes happy.

Best Ann Arbor venue: Madison House. If you weren't lucky enough to see Johnny Headband's acoustic set last night, you can catch Great Lakes Myth Society next Sunday-- the last Madison House show of the season.

If you plan on attending the Electric Six/ Troy Gregory/ Johnny Headband show at the Belmont tomorrow night, prepare for an over-capacity crowd. And don't get there before I do.

2005-09-17T21:55:00.000-04:00

26 out of the last 34 hours I have spent at work. I am still here. Is it too much to ask for someone to bring me a bottle of scotch?

2005-09-16T15:38:00.000-04:00

That's better.

2005-09-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

Seriously, she wants you to have a Happy Friday.

2005-09-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

Jessica Alba says Happy Friday.

2005-09-15T09:19:00.000-04:00

It happened. I broke down. I've given in to the dancy "white crunk" that is the new Franz Ferdinand album. I'm even going to tell you it's better than their debut. Forget chicks tonight, guys. Tonight, I've gotta dance.

2005-09-14T19:24:00.000-04:00

It's a boy, y'all!! Reports say Britney had a boy named Preston. Yes, he was already named when he hatched, smelling of Funyons and masturbating to pictures of his own mother.

Use Blogsearch Google and see how many other bloggers came up with the same obvious joke.

Pitchfork gives the Hail Social album a 7.0, whatever that means. I've got a 3-song EP of theirs I bought when they opened for someone. Who did they open for? Seriously, when did I see them? It's driving me crazy.

Someone finally has the balls to fight the RIAA after being sued--and it's your mom. Support your mom, she's kinda hot anyway.

Meanwhile, I owe the RIAA and MPAA 84,000 dollars. Give or take.

I like to Make Believe they split in 1997.

Here's an article about Pearl Jam doing a benefit for Gumbo. Tickets are $1,000. I'd write a joke, but the erection I got reading Sarah Silverman's name further down the article has distracted me.

Finally. T-shirt Hell gives us their Hurricane Katrina clothing line. My joke was funnier.

I give it three-and-a-quarter ~~olives~~ stars.

Yes, that's Lohan's nipple--probably the least
interesting thing about this picture.

2005-09-14T14:12:00.000-04:00

I've realized I don't give enough blogpress to probably my mostest longest running favoritest artist, Mike Doughty of Soul Coughing non-fame. Someone else has done a short write-up and posted 5 mp3s here, so check it out and get tickets to his October 18 Magic Stick show.

2005-09-14T13:33:00.000-04:00

Gonna be a slow couple weeks around here. Just logging in to say anyone who missed the Bloc Party show last night in Royal Oak didn't miss much. Kele lost his voice after about 40 minutes and had to call it quits. There was much apologizing and promising to "make it up to Detroit" (a city that was a last minute addition in the first place). What they did play sounded good (as good as the echo in the Royal Oak Music Theater would let it), but their show at the Stick in April was better.
If anyone cares, the printed setlist went this way: Like Eating Glass, Positive Tension, Banquet, Blue Light, She's Hearing Voices, The Marshals Are Dead, This Modern Love, Two More Years, Luno, Little Thoughts, Helicopter, So Here We Are, The Price of Gas, Skeletons Pioneers.
But they played this: Like Eating Glass, Positive Tension, Banquet, Blue Light, She’s Hearing Voices, The Marshals Are Dead, This Modern Love, Helicopter, Tulips, Compliments

2005-09-12T18:24:00.000-04:00

Before I start, if anyone is running Azureus with the i2p plugin (to anonymize torrent downloads) please drop me a line. We need to talk.

Most of this week's news will be late--both late in the day and late, as in you've probably already read it somewhere else.

I meant to put this up last Friday, but I got lazy: TV On The Radio's "Dry Drunk Emperor," dedicated to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Peter and Robert from BRMC discuss the new album and play an acoustic set on Filter Magazine's podcast. Click here to listen or subscribe or whatever you do with a podcast. Or click here to download a regular old mp3 of the podcast. There's an akwardly great moment when Robert asks the interviewer to play a couple Fiona Apple tracks from her forthcoming album that he had downloaded from the internet. The interviewer laughs it off and plays the radio single that's been released.

Russian lesbians, not-lesbians t.a.T.u enlists Sting for collaboration. How much you want to bet he gets to bone both of them? I hate that guy.

NME reports on the Franz Ferdinand album leak, proving most album leaks are publicity stunts orchestrated by the same bands who turn around and blame their fans for downloading music. If I had listened to the entire album, I'd say only tracks 1 and 9 grabbed me on first spin--but I also hated "Take Me Out" the first hundred times I heard that song, so feel free to ignore me.

There's got to be a way I can incorporate these into my Halloween costume this year. Can anyone help me out?

Isn't bowling backwards enough already?

You Could Have It So Much Earlier

2005-09-12T17:08:00.000-04:00

I would never be the type of person to download something without paying for it--especially music. I'd never download an album that leaked weeks before its release date. Especially a Franz Ferdidnad album . . . if it had leaked last Friday . . . that would be wrong.

2005-09-12T14:53:00.000-04:00

I'll update later this afternoon. This is all you're looking for today, anyway: Video of David Bowie and Arcade Fire playing "Wake Up" at last night's Fashion Rocks. (right click, save target as)

2005-09-11T22:06:00.000-04:00

It's a bit depressing to know the last outdoor music/food/art festival of the summer has passed. It felt like the most crowded year ever for the always corporate-sponsor-free Dally in the Alley. Although it seemed there was less variety of food this year, it looked like the number of artists and merchandise vendors was up, and the crowds in front of the music stages swelled to impressive numbers. Most noteworthy, of course, was Johnny Headband, who caught the attention of the festival traffic with their off-beat stage show. They even had the power to influence the most die-hard, shaggy-haired, jeans-and-black-t-shirts-on-an-88-degree-day indie-rock kids to start a hipster dance party at the front of the stage. The Headband Bros. attracted the first big crowd of the day (which included Electric Six members Tait Nucleus and Johnny Na$hinal), and the alley stayed full through Friends of Dennis Wilson, The Vamps (damn, can these girls rock!) and The Beggars, who totally earned their headlining rights.

From the festival we walked over to the Magic Stick, sobered up during the appropriately named Slumber Party, again took note of the Electric Six representation in the crowd, and tried not to stare at Brendan Benson. The boys and gal of PAS/CAL took the stage around midnight, played some old favorites and rocked, yes rocked, through some tracks from their forever-upcoming full-length. I've never been to a PAS/CAL show that wasn't better than their last, and they outperformed themselves again Saturday night. We left shortly after they wrapped up since coming down off a constant eight-hour Motor City Lager buzz turns to instant exhaustion--and didn't have time to ask about the indentity of the "mysteriously hot from the bottom lip to the unbuttoned jeans" blue t-shirt girl from their gig poster:

In other Detroit music news, word on the street is that there's a local supergroup brewing (besides The Raconteurs). A current E6er and a former Fletcher Pratter/Back In Spader have been practicing together, and at one point even enlisted a Headband brother to join in. Rumor is, the latter declined to focus all his attention on his current endeavor--but we'll have to wait and see how this supergroup develops. Am I making this all up? Is it nothing but horrible rumors? Is Web Vomit turning into Gawker Detroit? Does anyone even read this anyway? Is a horrible cliché coming after this question mark? Only time will tell. . .

2005-09-09T10:05:00.000-04:00

Pitchfork loves hometown favorite Pas/Cal. You can love them, too--Saturday night at the Magic Stick. Why not spend the day at Dally in the Alley and walk over to the Stick afterwards? You've got nothing else going on.

Want to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina? Want the opportunity to punch Ben Affleck in the back of his swollen head? BBQ at Kevin's house.

"Go fuck yourself Mr. Cheney," live on MSNBC.

Another live news blooper. How does she keep a straight face?

Cutting it short today. Sorry. . .

2005-09-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

I had a request to re-post this link. That's where you can send any mp3, have them convert it and send it to your phone to use as a ringtone FOR FREE. Stop buying ringtones and start making them yourself. I've just updated my ringtone to this. First one to correctly guess what movie it's from gets to post the answer in the comments section!

2005-09-08T15:19:00.000-04:00

I'm starting a tradition where I piss everyone off on Thursdays. Happy Thursday! (Thanks to N. Hags for the pic. Send him hate mail and death threats this time.)

2005-09-08T13:09:00.000-04:00

Insound coupon for 25% off.

Goodbye Kazaa. We'll always have the summer of 2002.

Hello Depeche Mode. We'll always have the summer of 1991--and the evening of November 30, 2005 at the Palace. The Bravery and The Raveonettes will alternate as openers throughout the tour. Talk about a game of Russian roulette. I would kill to see The Raveonettes play the Palace but my luck would put The Bravery there. UPDATE: It's The Raveonettes!!!

Need new wallpaper for your desktop?

Die Hard 4.0? Four-point-oh? Is it software? Is this the beta test version of the film? When it sucks, and it will, do they upgrade it to 4.1? I don't understand you, Hollywood.

iTunes 5 is fantastic! Not.

This made me laugh out loud -- but why do the best t-shirts only come in black, white or grey? I need color, damnit. Give me color.

"Testimonial 7: I would avoid using the toilet at work or when visiting a friend's house due to the possibility of making a bad smell. Now, I carry The DROPS with me wherever I go and I never have to worry about being embarrassed again! " What if I squirt it directly into my ass?